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Sam Chen

令人捧腹大笑的连飞笑话

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VATSIM每天全世界有无数的机组在联网飞行,也有无数的管制上线提供服务。由于很多机组是新手,或者不熟悉飞行规则,或者。。。什么其他理由,机组和管制之间闹出很多笑话,给我们的连飞世界增添许多乐趣。

 

VATSIM论坛上有个著名的帖子,让管制们说说在连飞中和新手飞行员有关的趣事情和笑话。此帖开贴于2011年4月,直到今天,还有人跟帖,使之成为VATSIM论坛最长最有趣的帖子之一。其中一些故事非常精彩。

 

我将不定期的摘录一些精彩的笑话故事带给大家,每个段子先复制原帖中的英文原文,然后是中文翻译,希望带给大家开心和快乐。

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1. 

 

This could be one of my all-time favorites.... From the flight plan comments of a pilot flying as Air Force One tonight:

 

/ V / CALLSIGN AIR FORCE ONE / +2000 HRS PROMISE I WILL NOT SCREAM MAYDAY / / V / USING CHARTS /
 
 
 
 

 

这个能是我最喜欢的。。。一个飞友在飞行计划注释栏里面填写的内容:

 

/ V / CALLSIGN AIR FORCE ONE / +2000 HRS 我保证不会尖叫MAYDAY/ / V / USING CHARTS /

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2.

Him-"Good day TWR, DALXXX, on the ground ready to copy ILS to kennedy."

Me-"DALXXX, Tower good afternoon, glad you're not in the air, or id lose my job, I hate to break it to you, but you cant request ILS Clearance to Kennedy."

**Disconnects**
 
 
 
他---“塔台你好,DALxxx,在地面已准备好抄收 ILS 至肯尼迪(机场)”
我---“DALxxx,塔台,下午好。 很高兴你还在地面,要不我会丢掉饭碗。 我不想打断你,但是你不能申请 ILS 放行至肯尼迪”
 
------机组马上断线了-----------

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3.

 

Didn't happen to me but one of my fellow controllers had a text pilot.

 

 

 

Controller: Wind 090 at 6 runway 8R cleared for takeoff.
Pilot: Say again
Controller: Read again
 
 
 

 

不是我经历的,是一个我做管制的朋友, 遇到一个文字机组。

 

管制: “地面风090/6, 跑道8R, 可以起飞”

机组: “请重复”

管制: “请重读”

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4.

 

Me: SWA1234, reduce speed to 170 knots, then descent and maintain 2000.
Pilot: Unable.
Me: SWA1234, turn right heading 090, climb and maintain 5000. Cleared direct SWANN, hold NW with 1 minute legs, expect further clearance time 2100 zulu.
Pilot: Roger, 170 knots, then down to 2000, SWA1234

 

 

 

我:     SWA1234, 减速到170节,下高并保持2000

机组: 做不到

我:     SWA1234,右转航向090,上高并保持 5000, 直飞 SWANN, 在 NW 等待,一分钟legs, 预计后续指令 2100z

机组: 收到, 170节,下2000, SWA1234

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pilot: Sir, we're requesting higher.
Me: AAL512, unable for noise abatement.
Pilot: Why would noise be a factor if we're climbing higher?
Me: AAL512, have you ever heard the noise a 737 makes when it hits a 757? Apparently it's loud and the residents of Northern Virginia don't like it.
 
 
机组:  管制,请求上高
我:      AAL512, 因为减噪控制,不能上高
机组:  我们要求爬升,怎么会跟噪音有关系?
我:      AAL512, 你听过一架 737 和 757 碰上时的噪音吗? 显然这声音很大,而且北弗吉尼亚的居民不喜欢这声音。

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5,

 

I have a couple.

Working Denver Tower:
Me: PAYXXX wind [email protected], RWY 25 clear for take off
PAYXXX: Clear for takeoff RWY 25
2 minutes later:
PAYXXX: Denver Tower, we are going down
Me: Emergency services on the way
PAYXXX: Bring lots and I do mean Lots of Body bags(此笑话以前在群里说过,当时记不清细节了,现在贴出原版)

 

 

 

 

一次我做丹佛塔台:

 

我:          PAYxxx,地面风240/09,跑道25可以起飞

PAYxxx: 跑道25可以起飞

 

。。。。2分钟之后

 

PAYxxx:  丹佛塔台,我们在下坠

我:           紧急救援已经上路

PAYxxx:  带多一些,我真心强调,带多一些尸体袋过来!!!

 

 


 

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6.

 

 

 

Pilot: Houston, We have a problem. (anyother ATC location): *Callsign, You have a biiger problem, this isnt Houston. 0.o

 

 

机组: 休斯顿,我们这里出现个问题 (另一个地区)管制: 呼号,你有个更大的问题,这里不是休斯顿

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7.

 

 

Hi all, I thought I'd post some.

 

Perhaps already posted but here you go:

 

..."switching to silence 122.80."

 

..."monitor dead frequency 122.80."

 

 

..."request to date the cockpit?" (turns out wanted to leave the flight deck for 20 minutes...)

 

Perhaps one which I nearly fell out of my chair was:

 

... "RWY 25L divorced, request taxi to gate"

 

 

大家好,我也贴几个

 

---“转频到静默 122.8”

 

---“守听死频道 122.8”

 

---“请求和驾驶舱约会(最后知道他的意图是离开20分钟)

 

下面这个我听到后几乎跌落椅子:

 

----” 和跑道 25L 离婚了,请求滑行至廊桥“

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8.

 

Overheard this weekend while flying over Europe.

 

Pilot: "Eurocontrol, ABC123 needs to leave for 15 minutes, my wife says I have to shovel the snow off the driveway"

 

Eurocontrol: "ABC123, cleared to shovel snow, advise back on frequency"

 

 

 

 

 

一次在欧洲飞的时候,在ATC频道里听到下面对话:

 

 

机组: “欧洲 Control, ABC123 请求离开15分钟,老婆说我得把门前的雪铲了”

管制: ”许可铲雪,回来报“

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8楼那个是什么意思?

 

 

8楼都翻译成中文了啊。。。。

 

 

笑点是“尸体袋”

还是不懂。。。。。难道是偶笑点低了么……

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8.

 

Overheard this weekend while flying over Europe.

 

Pilot: "Eurocontrol, ABC123 needs to leave for 15 minutes, my wife says I have to shovel the snow off the driveway"

 

Eurocontrol: "ABC123, cleared to shovel snow, advise back on frequency"

 

 

 

 

 

一次在欧洲飞的时候,在ATC频道里听到下面对话:

 

 

机组: “欧洲 Control, ABC123 请求离开15分钟,老婆说我得把门前的雪铲了”

管制: ”许可铲雪,回来报“

cleared to shovel snow.....噗....

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---you are leaving my airspace and no further ATC available.Resume own navigation,chang freq to UNICOM.goodday

---thank you,where is UNICOM

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HDA617: Shanghai Control, HDA617, airborne, passing 200 meters.

ZSHA_CTR: HDA617, identified, climb to 6000 meters on standard.

HDA617: climb to 6000 meters on standard QNH, HDA617.

 

港龙617:上海区调,港龙617离地了,通过200米。

上海区调:港龙617,雷达识别了,上升标压6000米。

港龙617:上升标准修压6000米,港龙617.

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